As a Conflict conjunction with Rastaban creeps closer, it becomes known that all walls are the property of the Silent Regent and the defilement of them with unauthorised posters is a heinous crime. Weavers are employed in their masses to ward walls against the plastering of posters, and as the shadow of Conflict can be felt across the city, not a single poster from the Lord of Fire can be seen. The Bureaucracy prepares to relax, everything is fine, until-

“MORTAL FOOLS OF RASTABAN!!” comes the booming voice from a gigantic floating flaming skull rising above the city, “I, THE INDISPUTABLE MASTRESS OF MISERY, THE TORMENTER OF ALL, THE GREATEST LIEGE OF CONFLICT, WARDEN OF STRIFE AND CHALLENGE, LORD OF FIRE AND TREMORS, DEMAND SERVANTS IN A MATTER OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE.”

The bells of ending sound as the Bureaucracy desperately tries to drown the voice out, but the skull merely shouts louder, “THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE WILLING SERVANTS SHALL FIND YOUR WAY TO ME ON THE TWELFTH BELL OF YOUR SIXTH DAY AND RECEIVE BOONS FOR YOUR SERVICE. THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE TOO PATHETIC TO AID ME SHALL BE CURSED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR FAILURE AND RECEIVE NO BOONS. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!”

Somewhere in the Bureaucracy, someone weeps.

• Hana - Phil
• Joachim - Luke
• Hat Finches - Aleaha

Despite the Bureaucracy's best efforts, the willing minions find themselves summoned into Conflict where they fight off a swarm of fire raptors before being greeted by the Lord of Fire and Tremors themself. Before they employ their minions proper, they set them to a team building exercise wherein they face down a series of Doom Botherers as they struggle to build a skeletal minion for the Lord of Fire. Having proven themselves, the Lord of Fire brands Hat (as the last unbranded member of the group) and tells them their plan to recover the legendary Ultimate Insult, requiring one part from each plane, into an unstable insulting cacophony that they will use to insult Perfection given it's waking up: the Double Edged Blade of Wit from Conflict; the Backhanded Compliment from Connection; the Crystal Mega Rhino Horn from Perfection; and the Hat of Meaningless Authority from Erosion.

At the first stop, for the Double Edged Blade of Wit, the party sneak past the unwatchful eyes of the Liege of Darkness and steal it from the cabinet it's locked in. As they try to make their way out, shadows coalesce into a dark and dangerous figure that seeks what they've come for and annihilates the Liege of Darkness by ripping their heart out. The party attempt to fight this powerful threat, the Lady of Blood, but when Hat attempts to divine the essential nature of her he discovers that it is an aspect of the Thief.

The party retreat and are dropped into Connection where they face a series of mimics in a thorny mirror maze before being eaten whole by a crystal chest containing the Backhanded Compliment (a bronze trophy for participation). Inside, they encounter envoys of the Duchy of Ire who are being driven mad by Oversharers. Hat gets into an argument with Sarcasm and expends a Perfection ritual to drive Sarcasm even more insane to the point of requesting a mercy death. The party negotiate a portal out to Perfection from the Oversharers, which Cindy provides, but not before they are tracked down by the Lady of Blood. They escape through the portal while the Lady of Blood is teleported away with the Oversharer.

In Perfection, the party find themselves at the bottom of the Tower, where they encounter some terrible denizens who seek to improve them. They take several “improvements” from the collective of 2=1, Pi=4, All Numbers are Rational, and the Fact Sphere, none of which are particularly helpful except Joachim's improvement from the Fact Sphere that gives him knowledge of where to find the Crystal Mega Rhino Horn. The Horn, at the end of a corridor guarded by dogs with lasers on their heads, turns out to be incredibly fragile and incredibly demanding, and very hard to move, so they are doubly alarmed when the Lady of Blood (now oversharing zealously and glowing with Conflict, Perfection and Connection) appears and tries to take it from them. Joachim is caught by the Lady of Blood and she steals some of his anger before he follows the party into Erosion.

In the ocean of Erosion, the party fight a benthic horror while trying to meet the demands of the Crystal Mega Rhino Horn. They make it to shore where a skeleton is wearing the Hat of Meaningless Authority. The party fend off waves and waves of eels while negotiating with the skeleton for the hat, ultimately playing a poisoned chalice game for it. With all elements united, the Ultimate Insult is ready and thrumming with power, but the Lady of Blood shows up, now fully armed and ready to take it. The party stall for time as the Lord of Fire refuses to portal them out, until their name is called into question and they arrive and authorise the party to use the Ultimate Insult on the Lady of Blood. Hat finishes a Perfection ritual to hold the thing together for one more use, and together they call YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST and produce the most devastating insult imaginable that melts the Lady of Blood from existence.

The Lord of Fire is duly impressed, takes the Ultimate Insult and bestows BOONS of Eels, Strength, and Influencing Knowledge, before yeeting them back to Rastaban.

To come - emailed

• Boon of Eels - Once per encounter you can spend 10s roleplaying transformation to transform into a Fiery Skeletal Eel. Every 10s in Eel Form you may call ROLEPLAY BURNING when struck, and may use your smaller more flexible shape for utility purposes too. You cannot speak while you are an Eel but you may hiss. At the end of the encounter you will transform back. The transformation experience is not entirely unpleasant.

• Boon of Influencing Knowledge - You have an understanding of the nature of conflict innate within differing points of view and pesky things such as “facts”. Once per encounter, you may gain one additional Spell Charge if you have win someone around to your point of view on something. You may gain three additional Charges if you win them round to believing something that is factually untrue.
• Square Eyes - Severe Affliction of the Mind - You now see the world as if made of squares (pixelvision)
• Factoids - Strong Affliction of the Body - You are inclined to spout unhelpful facts - Factoids!

• Boon of Strength - Once per encounter, by calling loudly on the name of the Lord of Fire and roleplaying lifting the object for 5s, you may hurl a large object such as a rock across the battlefield to call QUAD at range.
• Square Eyes - Severe Affliction of the Mind - You now see the world as if made of squares (pixelvision)
• Reductio ad Absurdum - Chronic Affliction of the Body - You may take ranked damage as a SINGLE by taking a STUN instead for that many seconds times 5 (e.g. take a QUAD as a SINGLE by taking a STUN 20)